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auntmo9 and any other Cards fans on the flist: Introducing @TortyCraig, an inside view of the Cardinals clubhouse as "penned" by Allen Craig's pet tortoise, Torty. Whoever the author is, he's got a great sense of humor, as illustrated by the following twitfic from Thursday and Friday:
In Philly we decided to watch a movie. The choice was between Jurassic Park & Goonies. We chose Jurassic Park for the velociraptors.
We sent Garcia to get candy. He came back with Milk Duds, Sourpatch Kids, Mike & Ikes, Rollos, & Twizzlers. Lohse hogged the Twizzlers.
We popped popcorn & had soda pop, too. Welch's Strawberry all around. We all enjoyed Jurassic Park.
When we emerged from the film room, the clubhouse had been ransacked. On the wall was a message: "UR GOING DOWN SENTRAL LOOZERS!"
"Dude, who would do such a thing?" asked Freese. Yadi was carefully examining the writing on the wall. He crouched & studied the floor.
Yadi crawled on all fours, scouring the floor. "Ah ha!" Yadi stood up with a green hair in his hand. "I know who the culprit is."
"Who is it?" asked a bewildered Freese. "Elementary my dear Freese," said Yadi. "The broken English & the green hair. 'Twas the Fanatic."
"The Philly Fanatic! I should've known," said Freese. "We'll get that SOB! C'mon guys!" "No, wait!" said Yadi. "That's just what he wants."
Yadi: "We're in the Fanatic's natural habitat. We're on his turf. We'll have to outsmart him. What we need is a plan..."
Yadi laid out the plan. Jay & Descalso would run interference. Freese & Master Allen would spring trap. I'd be the bait.
I walked down the Phillie hallway. I tried whistling but my mouth was too dry from nervousness. The Fanatic was chasing me in no time.
I ran as fast as my legs would carry me to Freese & Master Allen. The Fanatic was nearly upon me when they pulled the trip wire.
As the Fanatic wailed in anger Yadi appeared & doused him in red paint. Yadi grinned & said, "I love it when a plan comes together."
Yadi came to me & said, "I read your tweets from last night. You know that Phillie Phanatic is spelled with a P-H & not an F, right?"
I said to Yadi, "You've got to be kidding me. That's ridiculous. I suppose the Philadelphia spelling of David's last name is P-H-R-E-E-S-E."
Yadi said, "However Philadelphia spells Phanatic, he's going to have a heck of a time finding a shampoo that'll wash out that red paint!"
I said, "Yadi, since I was the bait in the Phanatic trap last night, now will you tell me what your neck tattoos mean?" Yadi replied, "No."
My guess as to the meaning of Yadi's neck tattoos is that they are the symbols from an ancient civilization for "Caught Stealing."
:D Man, I love baseball.
auntmo9 and any other Cards fans on the flist: Introducing @TortyCraig, an inside view of the Cardinals clubhouse as "penned" by Allen Craig's pet tortoise, Torty. Whoever the author is, he's got a great sense of humor, as illustrated by the following twitfic from Thursday and Friday:In Philly we decided to watch a movie. The choice was between Jurassic Park & Goonies. We chose Jurassic Park for the velociraptors.
We sent Garcia to get candy. He came back with Milk Duds, Sourpatch Kids, Mike & Ikes, Rollos, & Twizzlers. Lohse hogged the Twizzlers.
We popped popcorn & had soda pop, too. Welch's Strawberry all around. We all enjoyed Jurassic Park.
When we emerged from the film room, the clubhouse had been ransacked. On the wall was a message: "UR GOING DOWN SENTRAL LOOZERS!"
"Dude, who would do such a thing?" asked Freese. Yadi was carefully examining the writing on the wall. He crouched & studied the floor.
Yadi crawled on all fours, scouring the floor. "Ah ha!" Yadi stood up with a green hair in his hand. "I know who the culprit is."
"Who is it?" asked a bewildered Freese. "Elementary my dear Freese," said Yadi. "The broken English & the green hair. 'Twas the Fanatic."
"The Philly Fanatic! I should've known," said Freese. "We'll get that SOB! C'mon guys!" "No, wait!" said Yadi. "That's just what he wants."
Yadi: "We're in the Fanatic's natural habitat. We're on his turf. We'll have to outsmart him. What we need is a plan..."
Yadi laid out the plan. Jay & Descalso would run interference. Freese & Master Allen would spring trap. I'd be the bait.
I walked down the Phillie hallway. I tried whistling but my mouth was too dry from nervousness. The Fanatic was chasing me in no time.
I ran as fast as my legs would carry me to Freese & Master Allen. The Fanatic was nearly upon me when they pulled the trip wire.
As the Fanatic wailed in anger Yadi appeared & doused him in red paint. Yadi grinned & said, "I love it when a plan comes together."
Yadi came to me & said, "I read your tweets from last night. You know that Phillie Phanatic is spelled with a P-H & not an F, right?"
I said to Yadi, "You've got to be kidding me. That's ridiculous. I suppose the Philadelphia spelling of David's last name is P-H-R-E-E-S-E."
Yadi said, "However Philadelphia spells Phanatic, he's going to have a heck of a time finding a shampoo that'll wash out that red paint!"
I said, "Yadi, since I was the bait in the Phanatic trap last night, now will you tell me what your neck tattoos mean?" Yadi replied, "No."
My guess as to the meaning of Yadi's neck tattoos is that they are the symbols from an ancient civilization for "Caught Stealing."
:D Man, I love baseball.
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Date: 2011-10-02 02:35 pm (UTC)Oh this is great, especially coming off that loss last night. Thanks for sharing! And now I have someone new to follow on Twitter!
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Date: 2011-10-02 03:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-02 03:30 pm (UTC)Okay, I can hear the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle jokes now. Though I don't know if Dean would be muttering them under his breath or Sam would be endlessly teasing his brother.
And a monster a Busch Stadium? I would go with another mascot, only possessed (but not Fredbird)...maybe one of the Brewer Sausages (poor Dean, having to gank food that actually goes with beer) or the San Diego Chicken....
And this is where my weird brain goes to....
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Date: 2011-10-02 03:57 pm (UTC)Yeah, definitely not Fredbird, although I could see a leviathan enjoying being a crazy mascot like the Chicken or the Phanatic and chowing down on fans between innings. Maybe there's (also?) a wannabe witch who's a Cubs fan and who left hex bags around the stadium in the hope of cursing the team...
... and maybe Prince Albert is another angel in hiding....
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Date: 2011-10-02 04:33 pm (UTC)Yes, a leviathan might enjoy being a crazy mascot.It would give them a good cover. You also can't defeat a leviathan without an angel or God,so Prince Albert as an angel in hiding, or at least another helping hand from the Lord, most assuredly. And a wannabe witch trying to ditch/pass an alleged Cub's curse from their team to the Cardinals definitely makes sense.
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Date: 2011-10-03 08:26 pm (UTC)In the 9th I asked Ibanez, "Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?' Then I blew a 98-MPH heater by him for strike 3!" Motte said
"Did you really say that like The Joker in Batman?" asked Freese. "Yes," said Motte. "It's something I ask of all my prey."
"That's awesome!" said Freese. "Next time I hit an XBH I'm going to tell the pitcher, 'I'm Batman,' all tough-like."
http://www.stltoday.com/sports/baseball/professional/birdland/article_72e07e46-f9ca-523f-b70d-f9b3b85991a9.html
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Date: 2011-10-04 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-04 01:12 am (UTC)